How to Make a Writer
I am often asked a question that—until now—I’ve been unable to answer. That question is, “How do you become to be a writer?” I’ve wanted to give a bullet-list or sure-fire plan, but I only stumbled over a few explanations like “Read more”, “Write more”, “Observe the world through wondering eyes.” And then finally, I realized that I had a step-by-step formula.
So here you go—How to Make a Writer.
Have her born on the first day of spring when day and night are equal lengths and the world is bursting with creativity.
Place her in a family that believes she is an airhead, mostly a dreamer. Have everyone constantly tell her, “Your head is in the clouds.” “What are you always thinking about?” “Join us here on earth” “You live in another world.”
This makes her a wonderer and as a writer there is nothing better to be than a wonderer.
Have her live with a very religious family (say, a family wherein the Dad is a preacher) that tells her all about God and Bible stories full of miracles. You see, miracles will make her believe that the world is malleable and full of possibilities. This is key to making up stories.
I mean, really, who gets to have their Dad baptize them in the River Jordan in Israel.
Give her a flowered diary with a key. Don’t try and read her diary, because she is just wrapping words around her world, and they don’t always make much sense. Really she hasn’t quite figured out the difference between lying and fiction.
(This is my real diary without the key—of course I lost the key)
Make her get an advanced degree that requires writing a thesis, and not only a thesis, but one that will be published in the thrilling Neuroscience Nursing Magazine, gaining zero popularity among cool friends who read Vogue and Vanity Fair.
Nothing hones the value of “clarity” better than thesis writing.
After she is married, have her stay home with three children under five years old and have her read to them all the time. She will memorize Good Night Moon and Pat the Bunny, so when she asks her five-year old daughter what the daughter wants to be when she grows up, her daughter replies “a writer of books” and reminds the woman of her life-long dream to write.